Current listening: Brave Enough – Lindsey Stirling
Choose a quote they said. Tell us why it impacts you, they said. Challenge accepted.
I had to think about this awhile. Her quotes always leave me with a minute of quiet contemplation. The one above had me thinking for a day or so. When I write fiction, the words always seem to flow with greater ease. For personal essays or windows into my world, I feel like a teenager on the edge of the dancefloor. You know, the awkward wallflower that just stands to the side and watches? Yeah, that’s me. So this took some time and some thinking. Personally, I think all the best quotes do.
Being brave is hard. Bravery, when you’re faced with loss or an outcome that you may not want, is harder still. Trusting love is one of the hardest things in the world for me to do. This heart is scarred and so easily broken. So to be brave beyond that heartbreak is the strongest and most worthwhile choice I can make. To love myself, to invest in the others who love me, to allow myself to be loved, those are difficulties I face day in and day out. That quote tells me; “One more time, rock that faith girl. You can do this.”
Life has presented me with enough challenges with love–both inner and outer–that I have wanted to run. Who doesn’t want to pull the blanket over their heads and hide when matters of the heart force us to see things as they really are and not as we would wish them to be? I sure as hell did and have on more than one occasion. Running has both caused and save me from heartache more than once. So that begs the question, when is that instinct right and when are you just being chickenshit? At 39, I am still afraid to put myself out there in ways that leave me exposed. But, I try. I fail. I learn. I still struggle with determining when it’s okay to be vulnerable. I often wonder if that’s what she meant by it. Have the faith to keep trying, just one more time. It’ll be worth it.
So I think a little more. One more time, what does that mean to you? To me: “Yes, this is going to hurt sometimes. Yes, you will want to give up. But try one more time.” I think “one more time” encourages us to learn and grow until we are ready for that one more time, that one more chance. Self-love and happiness, I think, are not mutually exclusive. I think “one more time” encourages us to take stock of ourselves before reaching outward. Also, “one more time” by its very nature encourages us to forgive ourselves for transgressions against our hearts. Let’s be honest here, who is always kind to themselves? A show of hands, anyone? I am not. So that one more time applies to the way I talk to myself too. For a woman who spent a hefty chunk of her life never being enough–good enough, smart enough, pretty enough–this is a hard game I play with myself. I have to stop, take a breath and remind myself that it’s okay. I am who I am and that is exactly enough for the people that matter.
Okay, so for book news.
We are in the home stretch for approvals with Guardian’s Redemption. These are our tentative dates for the book:
October 6: Guardian’s Redemption Cover reveal, FB Live, 8 P.M EST.
October 20: RELEASE DAY!!! A possible group event on Facebook, times TBD (feedback/suggestions welcome)
November 3: Release Party and signing, Gathering Volumes, 11 A.M.- 1 P.M, EST
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